Terms of Cervix

1. Acceptance of Terms (The Initial Push)

By accessing or using turd.ai ("the Platform," "the Throne," "our Services"), you agree to be bound by these Terms of Cervix ("Terms"). If you do not agree, please exit the stall immediately.

These Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you ("User," "You," "The Sitter") and turd.ai Inc. ("Company," "We," "Us," "The Plumbers"). By clicking "I Agree," creating an account, or continuing to use the Platform, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agree to be bound by these Terms.

We reserve the right to modify these Terms at any time. Continued use following modifications constitutes acceptance. We'll notify you of material changes via email, in-app notification, or carrier pigeon (budget permitting).

2. Eligibility (The Age Check)

To use turd.ai, you must:

- Be at least 18 years of age (or the age of majority in your jurisdiction) - Have the legal capacity to enter into binding agreements - Not be a person barred from receiving services under applicable law - Not have been previously banned from the Platform (the "No Double Dipping" rule) - Possess a functioning internet connection - Have a reasonable tolerance for bathroom humor

By using the Platform, you represent and warrant that you meet all eligibility requirements. If you're using turd.ai on behalf of an organization, you represent that you have authority to bind that organization to these Terms.

3. Account Registration (Taking a Seat)

To access certain features, you must create an account. You agree to:

- Provide accurate, current, and complete information - Maintain and update your information to keep it accurate - Keep your password secure and confidential (we recommend something stronger than "password123" or "poop") - Accept responsibility for all activity under your account - Notify us immediately of any unauthorized access

You may not share your account with others, create multiple accounts, or transfer your account without our written consent. One seat per sitter. That's the rule.

4. Acceptable Use (The Bathroom Code)

You agree NOT to use turd.ai to:

- Violate any applicable law, regulation, or third-party rights - Upload malicious code, viruses, or harmful content (keep your infections to yourself) - Attempt to gain unauthorized access to our systems ("hacking the plumbing") - Interfere with or disrupt the Platform's infrastructure - Scrape, mine, or harvest data from the Platform without authorization - Reverse engineer, decompile, or disassemble any part of the Platform - Use the Platform for competitive analysis (we see you, rival startups) - Generate, store, or transmit content that is unlawful, defamatory, or obscene (the irony is not lost on us) - Exceed rate limits or abuse API endpoints (no explosive dumps) - Resell access to the Platform without a valid reseller agreement

Violation of these terms may result in immediate account termination. No courtesy flush.

5. Intellectual Property (Who Owns the Throne)

Our IP: The Platform, including all software, design, content, logos, and the name "turd.ai," is owned by turd.ai Inc. and protected by intellectual property laws. You may not copy, modify, distribute, or create derivative works without our written permission.

Your IP: You retain ownership of all data you upload to the Platform ("Your Dumps"). By uploading, you grant us a limited, non-exclusive license to process, store, and display your data solely to provide our Services.

Feedback: Any suggestions, ideas, or feedback you provide become our property. We may use them without compensation or attribution. Sorry, but "I came up with the ShatGPT name" won't hold up in court. (Actually, we already had that one.)

6. Payment Terms (Dropping the Check)

Paid plans are billed in advance on a monthly or annual basis. You agree to:

- Provide valid payment information - Pay all fees associated with your selected plan - Authorize us to charge your payment method on each billing cycle

Refund Policy: Annual plans are refundable within 14 days of purchase. Monthly plans are non-refundable. Enterprise plans are subject to individual agreement terms.

Price Changes: We may adjust pricing with 30 days' notice. Price increases do not apply to existing annual subscriptions until renewal.

Late Payments: Overdue balances accrue interest at 1.5% per month. Accounts with balances over 60 days past due may be suspended. Don't ghost your invoices.

7. Service Level Agreement (The Regularity Guarantee)

We target 99.9% uptime for all paid plans. Downtime excludes:

- Scheduled maintenance (announced 48 hours in advance) - Force majeure events (acts of God, natural disasters, alien invasions) - Issues caused by your infrastructure or third-party services - Beta features and preview environments

Service Credits: If monthly uptime falls below 99.9%, you may request service credits: - Below 99.9%: 10% credit - Below 99.0%: 25% credit - Below 95.0%: 50% credit - Below 90.0%: We have bigger problems than credits

Credits must be requested within 30 days of the incident. Credits cannot exceed 50% of monthly fees and do not carry over.

8. Limitation of Liability (The Hold Harmless Clause)

TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, TURD.AI INC. SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO LOSS OF PROFITS, DATA, OR BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES.

OUR TOTAL LIABILITY SHALL NOT EXCEED THE AMOUNT YOU PAID US IN THE 12 MONTHS PRECEDING THE CLAIM.

WE PROVIDE THE PLATFORM "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE." WE MAKE NO WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, REGARDING MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT.

Translation: If something breaks, we'll fix it. But we're not paying for your yacht. Or your therapy. Even if ShatGPT said something that hurt your feelings.

9. Termination (The Final Flush)

You may terminate your account at any time from your dashboard settings. We may terminate or suspend your account if:

- You violate these Terms - You fail to pay fees when due - We're required by law - We discontinue the Platform (unlikely -- we're having too much fun)

Upon termination: - Your access to the Platform ceases immediately - Your data enters a 30-day retention period, then is permanently flushed - Outstanding fees remain due - Sections that by nature should survive termination (IP, Limitation of Liability, etc.) survive

We'll make reasonable efforts to let you export your data before the flush. We're not monsters.

10. Governing Law (The Jurisdiction Station)

These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of California, without regard to conflict of law principles. Any disputes shall be resolved in the state or federal courts located in Los Angeles County, California.

For disputes under $10,000, you agree to attempt resolution through our internal dispute process before filing a claim. Email legal@turd.ai with the subject line "Formal Complaint (Not a Poop Joke)" and we'll respond within 10 business days.

CLASS ACTION WAIVER: You agree to resolve disputes individually, not as part of any class or representative action. No class-action stools.

11. Miscellaneous (The Wipe-Up)

Entire Agreement: These Terms, together with our Privacy Policy and Dookie Policy, constitute the entire agreement between you and turd.ai.

Severability: If any provision is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full force.

Waiver: Failure to enforce any provision is not a waiver of that provision.

Assignment: You may not assign these Terms without our consent. We may assign freely.

Force Majeure: We're not liable for failures due to circumstances beyond our reasonable control.

Notices: We'll send notices to the email associated with your account. You can send notices to legal@turd.ai.

Thank you for reading all the way to the bottom. You're officially more thorough than 99% of our users. We respect that.