Legal
Dookie Policy
Last Flushed: February 1, 2026
Effective Date: January 1, 2025 | Version: 2.1 ("The Double Flush")
At turd.ai, we take your privacy seriously -- even if we don't take ourselves seriously. This Dookie Policy explains how we use dookies (our affectionate term for cookies) to deliver, improve, and personalize your experience on our platform. Please read carefully. There will be a quiz. (Just kidding. Unless?)
1. What Are Dookies?
Dookies are small pieces of data stored on your device when you visit turd.ai. Much like their real-world counterparts, they come in different shapes and sizes. Some are essential for flushing our website properly, while others help us understand how users navigate through our pipes.
2. Types of Dookies We Use
a) Essential Dookies (The Regulars)
These dookies are strictly necessary for the website to function. Without them, core features like authentication, session management, and pipeline routing would be backed up. You cannot opt out of essential dookies -- they're just part of the process.
b) Analytical Dookies (The Inspectors)
We use these to understand your browsing movements -- what pages you visit, how long you linger, and where you drop off. This data is anonymized and helps us optimize the flow of our platform. Powered by our proprietary Brown Eye View technology.
c) Functional Dookies (The Helpers)
These remember your preferences, such as language, region, and which ShatGPT model you last used. Think of them as your personal bidet settings -- customized for maximum comfort.
d) Turd-Party Dookies (The Visitors)
Some dookies are deposited by external services we integrate with, including analytics providers, advertising partners, and social media platforms. We don't control what turd parties leave behind, but we do our best to keep things sanitary.
3. How Long Do Dookies Last?
Session dookies are wiped clean when you close your browser -- think of it as a courtesy flush. Persistent dookies stick around longer (up to 12 months) and help us recognize you when you return. Rest assured, no dookie lasts forever.
4. Managing Your Dookies
You have full control over your dookie preferences. You can modify your settings at any time through your browser, our on-site dookie preferences panel, or by sending a formal Dookie Removal Request (DRR) to our Data Plumbing team. Note: blocking essential dookies may result in a severely clogged experience.
5. Dookie Consent
When you first visit turd.ai, we present you with a dookie consent banner. By clicking "Accept All Dookies," you consent to the full deposit. By clicking "Reject Non-Essential," we only place the bare minimum. We respect your right to a clean browsing experience.
6. Data Collected Through Dookies
Dookies may collect the following: IP address (approximate plumbing location), browser type and version, operating system, referring URL, pages visited and duration, click patterns and scroll depth, preferred ShatGPT model, and general usage flow data. We never use dookies to collect payment information, passwords, or anything you wouldn't share at the dinner table.
7. Turd-Party Services
We work with the following turd-party providers who may place their own dookies: Stool Analytics (traffic analysis), FlushPoint (A/B testing), PipelineDrive (marketing automation), and BowelBase (user segmentation). Each turd party has its own dookie policy, and we encourage you to review them if you're feeling thorough.
8. Children's Dookies
turd.ai does not knowingly collect dookies from children under 13. If you believe a minor has left dookies on our platform, please contact us immediately and we will initiate a full system flush.
9. Changes to This Dookie Policy
We may update this Dookie Policy from time to time as regulations evolve and our technology matures. Any significant changes will be announced via our in-app notification system and a prominent banner on the homepage. The "Last Flushed" date at the top of this page indicates when the policy was last refreshed.
10. Contact Our Data Plumbing Team
If you have questions about our Dookie Policy, or if you'd like to file a Dookie Removal Request, reach out to us at dookies@turd.ai or call our dedicated Dookie Hotline at (555) POO-ICIE. Our team is available Monday through Friday, 9am to 5pm PST (Porcelain Standard Time).
TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)
We use dookies to make turd.ai work, to understand how you use it, and to make it better. You can accept them all, reject the non-essential ones, or manage them yourself. We don't sell your data. We're in the business of processing data dumps, not creating privacy ones.